Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news.
My weekly newsletter has evolved into this beautiful Tuesday weekly news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.
I’m sharing my feelings on so-called Georgia indicting forest defenders for being part of an organised crime entity, a state-sponsored criminal murdering a pregnant Black woman, and Gabon’s recent military takeover.
Onto the news…
News that made me say that criminals are running so-called Georgia
The criminal syndicate known as the Georgia Attorney General’s Office has indicted61 people with criminal charges for defending the Weelaunee Forest.
I call the whole government of Georgia a crime syndicate because it is. Everything Georgia’s government does is stolen from scenes in The Godfather. All they needed was Al Pacino and they could have made a Godfather 4 which no one asked for. But that’s just how Godfathers work, you don’t have to ask for one, they are just made.
Forcing people to pay money for protection they didn’t ask for is what the Corleone family does. My apologies if you haven’t watched The Godfather. I was tortured by it and now you have to be tortured by these analogies. Nonetheless, Atlanta is forcing people to pay for an urban warfare facility known as Cop City which the people of Atlanta have made very clear they don’twant.
It’s no different than Don Corleone giving people an offer they can’t refuse. The offer in this case is we will destroy the forest and build a war centre or send you to prison for trying to stop us. Even Don Corleone wasn’t that cruel.
The Attorney General, aka the criminal in charge of the situation, is claiming the 61 people worked for an “organised crime entity” to prevent the Atlanta Police Department from building Cop City. Hence, these forest defenders have been charged “under the state’s Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organisations (RICO) Act”.
Funny that a literal corrupt and tyrannical organisation destroying nature like a TV villain would call people defending a forest a corrupt organisation.
The attorney general hopes that if he calls these forest defenders mob bosses, maybe people won’t notice that he is a mob boss and the state is a crime syndicate here to relieve us of our rights. The forest defenders said the state is evil and must be stopped and the state said no, you are like a middle schooler who just got called a poopy face.
The state is hoping that by bringing these illegitimate charges it can scare those who challenge its oppressive power, but it won’t. I’ve called someone who deserved it a poopy face before and I did not back down from it just because they said I was.
News that made say we should call the police criminals
A video of a state-sponsored criminal killing Ta’Kiya Young was released and the family is calling for the criminal to be arrested. I’m starting to call the police state-sponsored criminals now because “police” still carries a positive regard when it shouldn’t. When everyone starts viewing the police as the actual criminals, I’ll start calling them the police again. I don’t like to call the police pigs because pigs are cute.
The criminal who killed Ta’Kiya was at the scene because Ta’Kiya was accused of “shoplifting”. Yes, we live in the world of Judge Dredd where roving criminals paid for by our tax dollars can play judge, jury, and executioner. They don’t even have to be Sylvester Stallone to do it. Just like in our world, Judge Dredd and other murderers are viewed as heroes in their world – because just like our world Judge Dredd’s world is a dystopian hellscape.
I do realise my movie references reveal that I’ve watched very many action films. It’s not my fault. If it was up to me, I would have only watched rom-coms, but I had two brothers who vetoed me every time we turned on the TV or went to Blockbuster.
Nonetheless, the fact someone can be murdered because they stole something begs me to scream PROPERTY IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN PEOPLE. I wish I could write this on every single uniformed criminal’s forehead, but I don’t think they’ll let me.
I don’t care if Ta’Kiya walked into a store, filled up a cart with Twinkies, and walked out. No one should be killed or imprisoned for stealing things. They should be applauded! We live in a world where capitalists are constantly stealing everything from us – and taking what you need in a world of surplus is simply praxis.
Even if you are someone who is like well, people shouldn’t steal, that doesn’t make any sense because the capitalists literally steal every day. So what you are really saying is non-capitalists shouldn’t steal after having their life stolen from them. Which brings me to my second point. If you don’t want non-capitalists to steal (which is super hypocritical), then maybe you should create a world where non-capitalists don’t need to steal instead of sending bandits around to kill them.
A world where non-capitalists don’t need to reclaim things they need would be a world where all humans have their needs met and that world simply can’t exist under capitalism. So what you’re really saying when you say non-capitalist people shouldn’t steal is abolish the police and capitalism. And if you are not saying that, then you are just a hypocrite who doesn’t think Black Lives Matter.
News that made me tell you I watch children’s movies
Gabon’s military leaders have chosenRaymond Ndong Sima as the interim Prime Minister with the promise to hold an election in two years. The military took over the country after deposing the French figurehead Ali Bongo. Many people from Gabon rejoiced in the streets because it turns out people don’t like it when colonisers install a puppet to continue colonialism, even if the puppet is “one of them.”
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Obviously France is really angry about the loss of the puppet because colonisers don’t like losing their colonies. You can’t be a coloniser without having a colony, just like you can’t be Gru without your minions. If you don’t know who Gru and the minions are, good for you. That means you don’t watch children’s movies because adult movies are too scary for you sometimes.
Other Western countries have also spoken against the coup because the West is always Team Coloniser. Everything the West has gotten has been through theft and imperialism, including their personalities. That’s why the Swiss have the nerve to claim chocolate as their personality when cocoa beans don’t grow in Switzerland. How do you claim that something is yours when you can only get it throughoppression? You become a coloniser, that’s how.
Without puppets, the West cannot continue to extract resources from Africa.
However, given that I’m a person who firmly believes in real democracy, I can’t support a military leader. I’m not talking about a democracy where people elect leaders who may or may not do what they want. That’s not a democracy, that’s tyranny cosplaying as democracy. It’s like when rich people wear those dirty expensive shoes so they can cosplay as regular humans who aren’t stealing our lives.
I’m talking about the democracy where individuals have the access to resources they need to live without selling their lives to a capitalist. I’m talking about democracy where people can choose how they want to live their lives without the fear of starvation hanging over their heads. I’m talking about democracy where property rights are abolished and people have access to land. I know I sound like a poet but that’s just how passionate I am about being free.
That type of democracy will only arrive when we get rid of the state and capitalism. Until then I hope the people of Gabon will continue to fight against all forms of tyranny, including tyranny from military leaders cosplaying as freedom fighters.
News that made me say Black people can be racist too
The mayor of so-called New York city thinks Stop and Frisk can be a helpful tool if used properly. I don’t agree.