A week of Republicans expanding child labour, Republicans proposing transphobic laws and a BBC tv host in the UK being suspended for calling out fascism

Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news. 

My weekly newsletter has evolved into this beautiful Tuesday weekly news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.

Today I’m sharing my feelings on Republicans in the so-called US pushing to expand child labour, Florida Republicans proposing transphobic laws, the Atlanta police arresting random people for terrorism, and the BBC firing a soccer show host for calling out fascism.

Onto the news…

News that made me say, no one should suffer so someone else can use a golden toilet… radical I know

As a response to adults refusing to work dangerous low paying jobs, Republicans in some states in the so-called United States of America want to expand the use of child labour. 

Republicans in the place called Iowa want children as young as 14 to work in meatpacking plants and other unsafe jobs and Republicans in so-called Ohio want children to be able to work after 7pm.

I guess these Republicans are thinking other children in other parts of the world are exploited by US companies for cheap labour so why not give children in the United States an opportunity to be exploited. The United States of America is the land of opportunity after all!

This opportunity to be exploited will only be available to the most vulnerable children in the United States as it is worldwide. No politicians’ or capitalists’ children will be forced to try to diagram sentences as they work in an assembly line, which is precisely why the Republicans are okay with child labour as a solution for unsafe jobs.

The obvious solution to workers not being interested in unsafe jobs would be to make their jobs safer. However, this is capitalism, so the solution is to make little Tommy slice meat in a meat plant while he does his algebra homework. Republicans might even say risking cutting off your finger while solving for X builds character because unlike Democrats, Republicans don’t even pretend they are not working for capitalists.

That’s why they are openly telling us that no capitalist should have to be deprived of a golden toilet merely so that some worker can feel safer at work or little Tommy can experience a childhood without complete and total exploitation. I assume all wealthy people use golden toilets ever since I found out about the golden toilet stolen from Churchill’s childhood palace.

News that made me tell you I use sarcasm as a coping mechanism

In an effort to make Florida the most transphobic state in the country, Republican lawmakers in Florida have proposed a bill that would make it illegal for teachers to ask children their pronouns and for teachers to tell children their pronouns. Being the alligator capital of the country clearly just wasn’t enough for the fascists of Florida. They also had to create a retirement paradise for J.K. Rowling to live out the rest of her TERFy life.

The fascists of Florida don’t actually believe that asking children their pronouns will make them transgender, just like they don’t understand being a fascist automatically incinerates their souls. This is just another attempt to erase trans and gender nonconforming people from the planet. Another attempt to make the world unsafe for us, because fascists hate freedom.

This bill to ban pronoun sharing is one of the three bills proposed by Republicans to expand the “Don’t Say Gay”’ law. This is a law that allows homophobic or transphobic parents to sue teachers who speak about the existence of LGBTQI+ people under the guise of protecting children.

Anyone who is not a fascist should want to shred that law like I shredded my takeout receipts today to destroy any evidence that I spent money that I do not have because I was too tired to cook the broccoli currently sitting in my fridge. I love broccoli, but why is it so hard to chop?

Since the Florida Republicans are fascists, they are choosing to introduce these three laws that I like to call the holy trinity of transphobia. The highlights of these bills include not educating children under the 6th grade about AIDS prevention and expanding the ban to teach children about gender and sexuality from the third grade to the 8th grade.

If you are thinking, wow these aren’t highlights, aren’t they very dangerous for all children? The answer is yes. I used highlights sarcastically because sarcasm is the only way I can survive this dystopia.

News that made me use a lot of The Lord of the Rings references

On 5th March, forest defenders burned down bulldozers and other construction infrastructure to prevent the razing of the Welaunee Forest in so-called Atlanta to build police training facilities. No one was harmed from this direct action other than the egos of the police officers who were overrun by 100 activists hoisting fireworks.

These activists are proof that you don’t have to harm anyone in order to protect humanity, something I’m sure the police will not learn from them. I don’t care about the police learning unless the learning they are doing is how to quit their jobs. What I care about is that we don’t let the state destroy a forest to train police who don’t know how to close a gate to better exploit us.

I know the police don’t know how to close gates because I watched a video of the police trying and failing to close a gate as they ran away from forest defenders. Yes, I have watched this video multiple times and I’m currently using it as my therapy and I would suggest you watch the video too. It will bring you joy, I promise.

One thing that will not bring you joy is the fact that 23 people are now being charged with domestic terrorism from the action to defend the forest. You know we live in a dystopia when the people who are protecting a forest from being chopped down are viewed as the villains and the orcs (Lord of the Rings villains who cut down trees) are the good guys.

Further proof that we live in a world where Sauron (villain of the Lord of the Rings who tells the orcs to cut down trees) is the hero is that the 23 people arrested were people attending a peaceful concert one mile away from the location of the action. A concert that included children who the police threatened to shoot. There is no proof these people were at all involved in action but the police don’t care because orcs don’t care about humanity or nature.

News that made me say your fingers belong to your employer

Gary Lineker, a retired English soccer player, was suspended from hosting a BBC sports show Match of the Day because he dared to call out the UK’s fascist commentary and policies towards communities seeking asylum. 

Lineker tweeted that the UK’s treatment of asylum seekers was similar to the well known fascists: Nazis from 1930s Germany. The treatment Lineker is referring to is the UK’s plan to use the military to deport people seeking asylum who cross the English Channel which a non fascist would argue is pretty fascist.

I for one am happy that Lineker has traded in his cleats for truth, but the BBC isn’t. The BBC claims that they are not against Lineker having an opinion, they just don’t want him to have an opinion that makes fascists angry. Okay, they didn’t use those exact words.

The BBC said they were suspending Lineker because, “he should keep well away from taking sides on party political issues or political controversies,” according to Al Jazeera. I interpreted that as saying, don’t make fascists angry.

There is only one side to take when a group of politicians come together to prevent people from being safe – it’s to call them fascists. Just like there is only one side to take when someone says they prefer to eat their pizza cold – shame them.

The other disturbing aspect of this story is that Lineker didn’t say his opinion while he was on the air. I wish he would have. Suspending Lineker for sharing his good political opinion that the BBC doesn’t agree with sends a message to all workers that their body belongs to their company at all times.

Lineker, a wealthy white man, not being allowed to use his fingers to type something his employer doesn’t agree with during his personal time reinforces the notion that workers are expected to agree with their employers at all times or be quiet. If this isn’t fascism, then I don’t know what is. I can say that because I’m lucky enough not to work for the BBC.

See ya next week,

Marcela