A week of the Gen-Z revolt in Kenya, a Black man paralysed in a New York Jail and Sonya Massey being murdered by the police

Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live in Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news. 

My newsletter has evolved into this beautiful news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.

I’m sharing my feelings about the Gen-Z revolt in Kenya, a Black man paralysed in a New York Jail and a Black Woman Sonya Massey being murdered by the police.

Onto the news… 

News that made me say abolish the police… again

Sonya Massey, a Black woman, was shot in the face by a white police officer for being Black and mentally ill. My heart hurts for Sonya and her family. I’m angry for every single Black person who read that news and was once again reminded that their lives don’t matter in the eyes of the state. There’s no amount of Kamala for President signs that will change the fact that this country is based on the lie that Black lives don’t matter. Just like there is no amount of witchcraft that can turn Donald Trump into a good person. Witches are strong people but Donald Trump is too evil for their magic.

Donald Trump and Sean Grayson, the cop who killed Sonya, are the products of a white supremacist country and the only way to stop a company from making more faulty products is to shut it down. Not elect a “nicer” She-EO. It’s so hilarious to me that corporate “feminists” thought rebranding women CEOs into She-EOs would somehow make oppression seem nicer. The catch phrase for She-EO should be “oppression with a woman’s touch.”

You can’t fool me. Just because you add “she” in front of something doesn’t automatically make it better. Unless you place “she” in front of “revolts” spelling out “she revolts.” I can get on board with”she revolts” if it means actually revolting and not wearing a “feminism is my second favourite F-word” shirt. Yes, this shirt exists and someone got it for me for Christmas because they hate me.

We should all stop falling for the lies spun to convince us that if we only had nicer autocrats who looked like us our lives would be better. Kamala Harris running for President is just America’s attempt to rebrand itself as a Black-woman-friendly country. It’s just like when Mark Zuckerberg changed Facebook’s name to Meta. You can call it Meta but all the traits of Facebook remain the same. Meta is still a racist misogynistic platform run by an evil robot pretending to be a human. Or is it an evil human pretending to be a robot? It doesn’t matter.

My point is, Kamala being crowned as the next corporate puppet of the United Corporations of America will not stop the police from murdering Black people. Kamala is part of the establishment that doesn’t believe Black people matter. Which is why they picked her. No one who thinks Black people matter would ever be a prosecutor in an injustice system that was created to oppress Black people. Whoever thinks that probably still believes that marijuana is a gateway drug instead of a tool for happiness.

So no, voting for Kamala Harris will not save us. It will hurt Donald Trump’s feelings but that’s never been a good enough reason to do anything. Abolishing the police is the only way to save us and keep us safe from Donald Trump. Who do you think Donald Trump is going to call to come after you for not liking his tweets?

News made me feel like there’s nothing wrong with storming the capitol

On June 25th the Gen-Z of Kenya stormed the Kenyan parliament to protest a tax increase on the poor. This is what all of us in the so-called United States of America should have done on July 4th instead of yelling death to America at a barbecue. Yelling feels good, but it doesn’t really do anything to end the evil empire’s reign. To be clear, I’m not against storming the capitol, I’m just against white supremacists doing it. It’s not the what, it’s the who?

If someone wants to storm the capitol to prevent the government from further exploiting people to serve the wealthy, I will personally hand them water bottles on their way in. If someone wants to topple a fascist government because it is not doing fascism well enough for them, I will make fun of their ugly outfits.

The Gen-Z of Kenya rebelled against the government’s attempt to force already vulnerable people to pay an IMF loan they gained nothing from. So I support them! If someone forces you to pay colonisers a tax, the correct response is to take the streets, not go to brunch. Throwing tear gas back at the police is not mandatory, but you get extra credit in my book. Yes, I grade all rebellions and The American “Revolution” gets a DNF (did not finish) because it wasn’t a revolution.

When the youth of Kenya stormed the parliament, the politicians escaped through a tunnel. The fact that the lawmakers had an escape route built into the parliament proves that the politicians of Kenya know they are not serving the people. They knew the people would finally be fed up with them being tools of colonisers. You don’t have an escape tunnel as a lawmaker unless you’re planning on making bad laws. I’ve never carried around a joint without the intention of using it.

Kenya has never really been independent from its colonisers. If it were, the president of Kenya would not be inviting Prince Charles to celebrate Kenya’s independence from Britain. In which world are you celebrating your freedom from oppression with the people who oppressed you? A world where colonisers pretend that they have changed. I might forgive my middle school bully, but I’m not inviting him to my birthday party!

Another key indicator that Kenya is still under the grasps of colonialism is the Kenyan president has a good relationship with the United States of America. If the United States is having brunch with you instead of trying to coup you, you are doing the wrong thing.

Serving colonisers’ interests over the people of Kenya’s interest is why the president of Kenya killed 39 people when they rose up against him. Sure, Ruto cancelled the plan to increase taxes after the protess. However, if he really cared about the Kenyan people and he wasn’t a puppet of colonisers, he would have stepped down and apologised for being Joe Biden’s puppet. Which is unethical and gross!

News that made me say Joe Biden is right… eww, I know

A Black man, Carlton James, was paralysed by correction officers at the Vernon C. Bain Center jail. The super villain, Ned McCormick, who ran the jail when the brutality occurred, got promoted. Of course he did. The purpose of prison is violence, so when you do violence, well, you get a raise and a promotion. If you never want to get a promotion or a raise as a prison overseer, then be nice to the prisoners. That’s how our world operates. If you are in power and you are nice, you will lose your job. Do you think Joe Biden would have been promoted to president if he wasn’t taking orders directly from Satan? 

Incidents like this is why I say we should abolish prisons. Incidents like these are also why I’m not paying attention to the election theatre. I did not watch the presidential debate because I don’t like bad movies. I also don’t care about two old white men yelling at each other to trick us into believing we live in a democracy. To clarify, I don’t like bad movies starring old white men. I do love a bad romcom because I love love. 

What I don’t love is living in a world where a Black man is paralysed in a prison and it’s not national news. Meanwhile a white man grazes Trump’s cheek with a bullet and everyone panics. Joe Biden says, “There’s no place for this kind of violence in America.” Joe Biden is right. I bet you never thought you’d see me write that in a million years. Don’t worry, I haven’t gone to the dark side. He’s just right when he says there is no place for this kind of violence in America because violence in America is not supposed to happen to rich white men. Especially if that rich white man is doing his best Mussolini impression. The kind of violence that America has plenty of room for is violence against Black people. When it comes to violence against Black people, America is like a club with infinite space and no VIP lines. 

I don’t care about whether Joe Biden drops out of the race or he drops up the stairs. Okay, I do care about the latter because I want to see all the footage to lull myself to sleep. What I do care about is the millions of incarcerated people who are being brutalised and murdered by the state. What I do care about is a billion dollars being spent on one prison in Alabama! Do you know how far in the depths of hell we have to be living in for a state to spend a billion dollars for a torture chamber? Alabama is always trying to come with worse things than Jeff Sessions and I think it’s succeeding.

Voting for Biden or Trump isn’t going to bring an end to prisons. The only thing that will do that is we the people deciding to work with each other to build a better world instead of tweeting at each other.

News that made me say you can’t vote out fascism on TikTok 

@feelthenewswithmarcela

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See ya later,
Marcela