A week of Elon Musk attempting to scrap the EPA, Elon Musk’s “Coup”” and Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl performance

Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live in Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news. 

My newsletter has evolved into this beautiful news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.

Today I’m sharing my feelings about Elon Musk attempting to scrap the EPA, Elon Musk’s “Coup”” and Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl performance 

Onto the news… 

News that made me quote Audre Lorde

Edon, which is how I will refer to the Elon Musk and Donald Trump bro presidency from now onwards, are attempting to dismantle USAID. When I read this news I laughed so hard my insides almost exploded. At this point this presidency feels like the sequel to Veep, a TV show about absurd politicians.

The USAID’s purpose is to pretend that the imperial monster known as the United States of America is a magnanimous leader. It’s essentially the equivalent of someone coming to your house, stealing all your things, knocking on your door to give you a little bit of the sandwich they stole from you, then patting themselves on the back for solving the hunger crisis they created. If the United States of America didn’t go around spreading ‘freedom’, aka violently relieving people from their resources, USAID wouldn’t be necessary.

Edon’s attempt to dismantle the USAID sends a message to the world that the United States of America is evil and proud of it. No longer will this evil state pretend to care about democracy or people while exploiting them. From now on the United States will come to your home, steal your stuff and scream “who gon’ check me, boo?” We shall call this the “who gon’ check me, boo?” doctrine.

The “who gon’ check me, boo?” doctrine isn’t just a foreign policy, it’s also a domestic policy. For as long as I’ve been alive, the United States of America has pretended to be a country founded on equality despite the known truth that this country was founded on literally the opposite.

Nonetheless, this country has always proclaimed that despite being built on atrocities, the United States was moving towards equality and freedom for all. Of course another lie. This country lies so much it’s motto should be “in lies we trust” not “in god we trust”. 

Every single time Black people have tried to force this country to fulfill its promises they are met by violence, (see Watt’s Rebellion, Baltimore Rebellion, George Floyd Uprising, etc).

Now Edon is telling the domestic population we are ableist, racist, misogynist, transphobic and proud of it. Yes, we will get rid of DEI in the government. Yes, we will blame an airplane crash on DEI. Who gon’ check us? Certainly not the Democrats, the other wing of their party. Nancy Pelosi is too busy insider trading.

Also, feigning like DEI is a revolutionary policy that ends racial discrimination is racist. DEI is simply a fascist lite tool that invites a few oppressed people to the table of colonisers. I don’t want to be included in a project meant to oppress me, I’m not Kamala Harris. However, even the thought of having Black people at the colonisers table is unacceptable for the bro-ocracy.

Audre Lorde states in her book Sister Outsider, “The U.S. either ignores or stands upon the wrong side of virtually every single struggle for liberation by oppressed people.” Audre already said what Edon is showing us. Instead of trying to turn America into something it never was, maybe we should end this terrible TV show.

News that made me ask who voted for eggs to be $10

Everywhere I go on the internet all I hear and see is Elon Musk’s face and name. Elon Musk’s teens have taken control of the treasury and it turns out one of them is a racist. Elon Musk is attempting to trick federal workers into quitting. Elon Musk is Time magazine’s person of the year. Elon Musk is ugly and no one wants to see his face. Okay that last one was from me but you get my point. 

Everyone is losing it over Elon and his “coup” of the government. Before I get into my thoughts about Elon’s coup, let me get some things off my chest. One of Elon’s tweens being a racist is not surprising. Isn’t being a fulltime racist part of the job description for Elon’s stooges?

Time magazine once again has proven that no one should trust corporate media. Having the nerve to name a literal TV villain as person of the year should be grounds for everyone to laugh loudly at the editors of Time magazine. Of all the people in the world, you choose a white supremacist whose wealth is built on genocide as your person. I mean you couldn’t have picked another widely hated white man with less issues? Was Ben Affleck busy?

Okay, now let’s talk about Elon’s alleged coup.

So Elon is committing a coup because his Department of Government Efficiency is seizing important aspects of the federal government even though no one elected him.

I have a question to ask. Can Elon, a wealthy man, commit a coup if the government is already run for and by wealthy people? I’m asking because all the outrage to Elon’s behavior stems from the notion that the United States of America is a government by the people for the people, not because I want white racist teens running around the capitol. I don’t want white racist teens running anywhere, unless it’s into the ocean. No, I’m not sorry about that very morbid joke.

Can we please stop pretending like Elon Musk is getting rid of democracy? We don’t live in a democracy. Corporations and the wealthy elites run the government and our economy. Didn’t the genocide that everyone wanted to stop other than the weapons manufacturers prove that to everyone?

Aren’t our daily material lives proof that the government isn’t here for us? Who voted for eggs to cost $10? (TBH I don’t know how much eggs cost ‘cause I’m a vegan but I’ve been hearing people complain about it a lot.) Who voted for healthcare to be so expensive that WebMD and Reddit are our primary care physicians? No one! It’s happening because, to quote a study from two professors who concluded America is run by the elites, “Multivariate analysis indicates that economic elites and organised groups representing business interests have substantial independent impacts on U.S. government policy, while average citizens and mass-based interest groups have little or no independent influence.”

So no, I don’t support Elon Musk and his Muskettes running around town actively destroying people’s lives. All I’m asking is can we stop pretending like he is destroying some sacred democracy that once served the people?

News that made me say the Black bourgeoisie are going to bourgeoisie.

The NFL is a plantation! There is absolutely no way to perform on a plantation in a revolutionary manner unless your performance leads to a revolt that burns down the plantation. Performing on a plantation is as revolutionary as buying a Che Guevara t-shirt. Vapid and does nothing but support the system you claim you are objecting to.

Most people who buy a Che Guevara t-shirt do not care about the masses rising up and revolting against the ruling class. If you are wearing a Che Guevara shirt and are currently doing mutual aid, I’m so sorry for my generalisation. I was scarred by too many white kids who wore Che Guevara shirts and converses.

Nonetheless, my point is commodifying Black revolutionary symbolism while dancing on a stadium built on the trodden bodies of Black men who aren’t paid enough for their labour reifies white supremacy, it does not denigrate it. 

It’s not even reformist. It’s harmful. It creates the narrative that to be a revolutionary is to be a member of the Black bourgeoisie who will figuratively roast America on stage for a payday while doing absolutely nothing to threaten the existence of a fascist state. It creates the narrative that acquiring wealth from white supremacist structures as long as you tacitly “resist” is revolutionary. Roasting America figuratively will not lead us to freedom, only literal roasting will do so.

If Kendrick Lamar wanted to challenge white supremacy, he would have refused to perform on that stage. Even better, he would have organised concerts all over the country to rival the super bowl, charged white people double for tickets, and used that money to fund Black communities so Black men don’t have to turn their brains into soup in a coliseum to support their communities. Kendrick will not do this because at the end of the day the Black bourgeoisie are going to bourgeoisie.

In her book killing rage bell hooks states, “Black consciousness cannot be radicalized as long as the black bourgeoisie maintains its radical hold on the black imagination.” I wholeheartedly believe this and I encourage every single one of us to look within and ask ourselves what do we imagine when we think of liberation? Do we imagine individual wealth beyond imagination or do we imagine communal liberation? If your liberation is wearing a Gucci suit and driving a Maserati, your imagination is incorrect. If your imagination is smoking weed at the beach with your homies smiling at each other because the empire has fallen and everyone has free healthcare, your imagination is correct. Yes, today I’m giving people Fs for improper imagination.

Furthermore, I would also like to ask where did your imagination of freedom originate. Did it originate from the pages of The Wretched of the Earth or did it come from following your favorite “woke” celebrity on Instagram? You can substitute the Wretched of the Earth for any book written by a Black leftist. You do not need to read the Wretched of the Earth to understand freedom, but I highly recommend it. Almost as much as I would have recommended dipping your french fries into your Wendy’s frosty as a teen. Don’t hate it until you try it. I’m a vegan now so I can’t recommend the frosty.

News that made me feel like the United States of  America is White People’s Fubu 

See ya later,

Marcela