A week of Biden being sued for genocide, Free Palestine protestors disrupting the “Thanksgiving” Parade and the NYPD encrypting public radio

Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news. 

My weekly newsletter has evolved into this beautiful Tuesday weekly news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.

I’m sharing my feelings about Joe Biden being sued for genocide, NYPD spending money to encrypt its public radio, and protestors disrupting the Macy’s “Thanksgiving” Parade.

Onto the news… 

News that made me say who gon’ check me, boo

This week in the US, Palestinians have filed an emergency court motion in federal court against genocider in chief, Joe Biden, Secretary of State Antony Blinken (genocide mascot), and Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin (genocide supplier). 

The purpose of the emergency court motion is to prevent the three horsemen of genocide from providing more supplies and money to the occupying Israeli government to use to commit genocide in Gaza. The same group already sued the three monsters for being complicit in genocide. We all have eyes and we know they are guilty, but that doesn’t mean anything because we don’t live in a democracy. 

Imagine being the president of a ‘democracy’ and being sued for genocide. I would be so embarrassed that I would hide my face to never be seen in public again – or better yet, I would stop the genocide. However, I would never commit genocide or be the president of a ‘democracy’ so maybe I can’t fully claim to understand what goes on in the mind of someone who commits genocide. 

I’m pretty sure the first thing that Joe Biden said when he was sued for genocide was, oh wow, genocide is illegal? Then how come a lot of our budget is being spent on a genocide? Genocide being illegal in the United States would be like me saying we live in a marijuana-free household as I smoke a gigantic joint in front of you. 

To be honest, I, too, was surprised when I found out genocide was actually illegal under US law. I thought genocide is only illegal under international law which explains why the US is actively supporting it. You see, the United States views international laws more as a guideline than actual rules. Biden actually yells out who gon’ check me, boo? to anyone who tells him he is breaking international law.  

I just couldn’t believe a country that was founded on genocide and continues to do genocide would actually make genocide illegal under its law. I should have expected that from a country that pretends to be a democracy when it’s actually an autocracy led by white men who publicly say decolonising is a bad word. However, the United States of America never stops surprising me on how truly treacherous it can be. 

Pretending genocide is illegal and punishable by prison at the same time that George Bush walks free and enjoys his time making art and eating candy from Michelle Obama’s purse takes a lot of belief in your ability to trick people. The US government does have confidence in its treachery because a lot of US citizens believe the tricks. So much so, that millions of people gathered with their families  to celebrate genocide on 23rd November. Most of these people will deny celebrating genocide because that’s how incredibly good the US government is at tricking people. 

The times I have to respond to what are you doing for thanksgiving? with I don’t celebrate genocide is probably the number of times Joe Biden has yelled out who gon’ check me boo? to people telling him he should stop paying for the genocide in Palestine.

News that made me say I’m not that bad at budgeting

The NYPD is paying $390 million to encrypt NYPD public radio channels. The NYPD claims it’s hiding its communications from the public to prevent the “bad guys” from using it. That’s not true. The NYPD is just tired of being outed for being racist. Instead of stopping the racism by abolishing themselves, they would rather spend $390 million to hide their racism from the public. We don’t say all cops are bad for no reason. 

NYPD cops have been heard saying they should run over protestors or shoot them during the George Floyd uprisings. Hence, when the NYPD says they want to encrypt messages to stop the “bad guys” knowing their plans, what they mean is that they don’t want the public knowing their plans to continue to be a hateful brutal police force. The public are obviously the “bad guys” for not liking the fact that they are being oppressed by cops whose salaries they pay. 

As if paying for cops to hide their plotting from us isn’t bad enough, the city is closing the libraries on Sundays and making other budget cuts. If someone were to ask me to pick whether I want more oppression or more time at the library, I would pick less oppression. Not just because I’m a nerd who spent most of their weekends in the library reading books, but because I think libraries are much more useful than police secrets and one should budget for more useful things when they budget, right? 

I’ve never claimed to be very good at budgeting, but I would say spending money so cops can keep their mean gossip secret while cutting social services like universal pre-K is pretty bad budgeting. I have spent money on things I don’t need but never have I blown my entire budget on a very expensive safe to put my journal in so my husband can’t read it. That’s also because my priority is not to maintain a police state while pretending to serve the public’s interest.

New York City’s priority is to maintain a police state above all else. If that wasn’t clear by the fact that the city is being run by a cop, the city paying for a subway robot and increasing  drone surveillance should make that very clear. It’s so that the people who live in the city know they are constantly being watched, which is unethical and, honestly, very creepy. I don’t like the idea of Eric Adams watching me do anything. Yes, I’m pretty sure Eric Adams watches all the footage from the police robot surveilling Times Square based on this photo of them hugging. 

If you thought cutting services that really matter while giving the police a private line to chat is terrible, Eric Adams is blaming the 5% budget cut on people who have immigrated to New York City because it can always get worse with Eric Adams. Who would have thought a cop mayor would also be a racist who scapegoats vulnerable people for his terrible decisions? Me, I thought that.

News that made me say some people deserve burnt pie

 

Free Palestine protesters disrupted the Macy’s “Thanksgiving Day” parade – as everyone should, because no one should be celebrating genocide ever. I watched the videos over and over again because watching people disrupting a celebration of genocide makes me very happy. No one should be giddily clapping and enjoying a float to commemorate genocide. 

This is also why I love it when people get into arguments with their families during “thanksgiving” dinner. If you insist on cooking a large feast to celebrate the murder of Indigenous people, I hope that feast is tainted by everyone in the household arguing with each other. Bonus, if everyone gets so heated that they refuse to eat the meal. 

I know this sounds petty, but I want you to know that I don’t wish for the arguments to be about very serious things. It would be over something like, I can’t believe you borrowed my shirt in the fifth grade and never returned it. You are so selfish. Anyway, I’ll stop being petty and get back to the protestors.

The protestors at the “Thanksgiving” parade unfurled a banner saying “genocide then, genocide now”. Obviously the people who were there to watch the parade didn’t appreciate their celebration of genocide being disrupted and started booing the protestors. I really hope these people who went to celebrate genocide had a horrible “Thanksgiving” dinner. I hope their turkey was burned and their sweet potato pie never fully cooked. If you are booing people protesting genocide, you don’t deserve tasty sweet potato pie. You deserve a sweet potato pie that’s charred and burned on the outside with an uncooked centre. I know, I’m being petty again, but I think you agree. 

The protestors were also met with cheers from people holding Palestinian flags on the parade route. The people cheering, they deserve sweet potato pie and whipped cream. This is the type of support the people who are putting their bodies out there to destroy the mythology of this country deserve. The so-called United States of America creates myths like this country was founded by lovers of democracy so people who live here can be proud to be part of an evil empire. No one really wants to be part of something evil, except for Joe Biden and all presidents of the United States.

When these protestors glued themselves to the ground wearing clothes reading “capitalism” and “colonialism” while dousing themselves in blood, they showed the truth about America. They disrupted the myth that “thanksgiving” is all about joy. If you were to ask me, the protestors were actually giving the viewers the real “thanksgiving” parade.

Showing or telling the truth about America does come at a cost. In these protesters’ case, it came at the cost of being arrested. In my case, it’s people saying I’m always being negative. Oh I’m sorry I brought up the prison industrial complex at your party. Next time I’ll talk about how crispy the carrots are, then talk about the oppressive conditions farm workers face.

Last week on TikTok I shared one of my favourite quotes from The Nation on No Map by William C. Anderson.

@feelthenewswithmarcela Read the book and subscribe to my newsletter for more of my thoughts. #booktok #leftisttiktok #leftists #anarchist #congo #joebiden ♬ original sound – Feel the News

See ya later,

Marcela