Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news.
My weekly newsletter has evolved into this beautiful Tuesday weekly news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.
It’s been nice taking a break from the column and I’m happy to be back this week to share my feelings about the NYPD letting the proud boys ride the train for free, Prince Harry being a murderer, Joe Biden expanding a racist immigration policy, and Brazilian fascists invading government buildings.
Onto the news…
News that made me tell you being a fascist isn’t fun
The NYPD let the proud boys ride the trainfor free after protesting a drag queen story hour in Queens because the NYPD takes their job of being white supremacist homophobes very seriously.
After letting the proud boys easily walk through the emergency door to avoid the $2.75 train fare, the NYPD prevented a journalist from also entering for free in order to make it clear that the only way to get free transit in New York City is to be a fascist.
So, if you are looking for a hack to ride the train for free in NYC that doesn’t include having upper body strength or a soul, then fascism is the hack. I personally would rather keep jumping the turnstiles like everyone else because being a fascist just isn’t fun.
Imagine being so hateful that you take time out of your day to go harass people who are trying to enjoy story time. I can’t imagine because fascism only makes sense to people who have been tricked into believing that the existence of anyone who is not a white cis straight person is the reason why their lives are bad – and not Jeff Bezos and Jeffie’s clique collecting all the money.
Nonetheless, if you needed further proof that the NYPD are just proud boys with blue uniforms, this is it. No one else other than a proud boy would see a bunch of transphobes who have just come from protesting a fun drag event and say, you deserve a free fair for your service, brothers.
I don’t know why you would need further proof that the NYPD are just proud boys on the NYPD’s salary given the fact that there hasn’t been any footage of the NYPD letting any anti-fascists ride the train for free. There are, however, multiple scenarios of the NYPD attacking Black and LatinX people for evading train fares.
In fact in 2022,88% of people arrested for fare evasion in so-called NYC were Black or LatinX. Who else loves attacking Black and LatinX people for purely existing? (Yes, I consider not letting people move freely around the city preventing them from existing.) The NYPD, the KKK, the proud boys.
Okay, so maybe there is a chance that not all the NYPD members are proud boys, some of them might be part of the KKK. My apologies for the oversight.
News that made me say you can’t take the imperialism out of the boy
In his autobiography, which was published based on the merit of his amazing writing and not at all because he is part of an evil monarchy (redundant I know), Prince Harry revealed hekilled 25 people during his military service in Afghanistan.
I’m not sure why Harry felt the need to let people know he is a murderer on top of an evil aristocrat (redundant I know), but now that the news is out there, it would be a lost opportunity if I didn’t say you can take the boy out of the imperialist castle, but you can’t take the imperialism out of the boy. Thank you for giving me that joke Harry, now please disappear from Netflix so I don’t keep seeing you when I’m trying to find a terrible romcom to watch.
I didn’t bring this news story up to make a joke, which you may or may not find funny, or tell Harry to disappear from Netflix. I brought this story up because I want to discuss why Harry, a literal prince who doesn’t have student loan debt or needs the military to get out of poverty, chose to risk his life instead of going to parties and doing cocaine like he was already doing.
Harry didn’t need to go to Afghanistan; he could have just come to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, a haven for cocaine loving trust fund babies. However, Harry said he ‘had’ to go to Afghanistan because 9/11 was a crime against humanity. Harry, a man whose whole family’s existence is a crime against humanity, felt the need to avenge a violation of humanity in Afghanistan because this is white supremacy.
People think white supremacy is just wearing a white hood and yelling out slurs, but it isn’t. White supremacy is so much more than that. It’s also thinking you have the moral standing to determine who deserves to live or die as you metaphorically stand on a mountain of skeletons.
If Harry really cared about crimes against humanity, the least he could have done is taken all his grandmother’s jewels and given it back to the people she stole it from.
However, white supremacy is a hell of a drug so Harry thought going to Afghanistan to shoot more victims of imperialism was a better look. I guess cocaine is not the only drug Harry ever did, which sucks because cocaine seems like it can be fun, but white supremacy is never fun.
I know more about white supremacy than cocaine so let me know if I’m wrong about this.
News that made me write about Joe Biden again
Joe Biden, a man who I’m so tired of writing and reading about, is once again making me write and read about him.
Joe has expandedTitle 42, a racist immigration policy, disguised as a public health policy. Initially Title 42 started by Donald Trump immediately expelled people from Central American countries and Mexico caught crossing the so-called US border “illegally” back to Mexico to prevent the further spread of COVID-19. Obviously the COVID-19 thing was a lie, the goal was racism. Racism is always Trump’s and the so-called United State’s government goal.
Joe Biden is now expanding the law to include people from Haiti, Nicaragua, and Cuba, proving once again that Joe Biden and Trump went to the same school of white supremacy. Yes, there is a school of white supremacy and it’s called the white house.
Joe Biden is claiming this terrible idea to expand racism is actually a good idea because he will be allowing a capped number of people from the three countries who have a US financial sponsor and can afford plane tickets to come to the so-called US.
Either Joe has never read the news – because anyone who has ever skimmed a headline knows the most vulnerable people fleeing their home countries tend to not have an excess of cash and financial supporters – or, Joe has read the news and he hopes acting like he is doing vulnerable people seeking asylum a favour by saying “just buy a ticket and come” is a good idea and will prevent people who care about humans from calling him a bad human. It’s definitely the latter.
Well Joe, your little trick isn’t working on me. I know telling vulnerable immigrants to just buy a ticket is your way of telling people we don’t want you here unless you are rich. So yes Joe, I’m calling you a bad human for being a sith lord in a suit who protects imaginary borders at the expense of people’s lives.
You don’t have to be a bad human forever though, Joe. You can start being a good human by treating borders how they should be treated: imaginary lines that should be ignored.
News that made me remind you that I hate governments
However, I do know that it feels like this Brazilian fascist uprising was heavily inspired by the January 6, 2021 fascist invasion of the US congress. I’m truly hoping for the sake of Brazilians that this uprising took all the tips from the January 6th invasion (including disorganisation) that leads to failure.
If you are thinking, wow Marcela, I never thought you’d defend a government – to be clear, my anti-government heart has not softened over the holidays. I still hate governments and don’t think they should exist, but I also don’t think fascists should tear them down, because the reason why fascists tear down governments is when they think governments aren’t being mean enough.
When the fascists stormed the so-called US capitol, they were not storming it to demand the complete destruction of racial capitalism and landback. If they did, I wouldn’t be calling them fascists and I might have also encouraged them to look through Nancy Pelosi’s desk. I also think this is the time to remind anyone from the FBI reading this that I’m a comedian who makes jokes hehehehe.
News that made me tell you what the so-called US congress really does
Last week on TikTok I shared my feelings on republicans finally electing a speaker of the house. Hint…I’m not happy about it.
If your new year’s resolution is to read more, I recommend reading some of the books that changed me. Read my list here.
If you want to watch a Black woman get revenge on her haters, please watch Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, there’s a whole lot of white saviorism but it’s totally worth watching it just to see a Black woman stand up for herself.
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