Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news.
My weekly newsletter has evolved into this beautiful Tuesday weekly news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.
Today I’m sharing my feelings on the bipartisan agreement to raise the debt ceiling by sacrificing the planet and humanity, transgender people in Florida not being able to receive gender-affirming care, a judge calling cops murderers, and protests in Germany regarding an anti-Nazi activist being sentenced to prison.
Onto the news…
News that made me feel like the Democrats are like that one guy from your office
The Republicans and Democrats reached an agreement to raise the debt ceiling ending a very boring episode of the show I call Let’s pretend we don’t work for the same people. It’s a show that runs every day, during which the Democrats and Republicans pretend they have conflicted interests while in reality they both work for billionaires. It’s my least favourite show after Let’s act surprised that Biden is doing what Trump did.
In the “debt ceiling” episode, the Republicans pretended they would not raise the debt ceiling which would prevent the so-called United States from borrowing money unless the Democrats agreed to further destroy the planet and the lives of people living on it.
Destroying the planet and people’s lives are things the Democrats and Republicans love to do, but Democrats pretend that they don’t enjoy. The Democrats are like that guy in the office who claims he only knows about Vanderpump Rules because his wife forces him to watch it. Those of us who know this guy know he is lying.
Democrats agreed to cut all spending except formilitary spending,building an oil pipeline, and addingwork requirements to food assistance programs to raise the debt ceiling because this is what they wanted to do. If they didn’t, they would have called the Republican’s bluff. Everyone knows the Republicans are so obsessed with the US that their faces turn red, blue, and white with anger when someone dares to besmirch the evil empire’s name.
I don’t believe for one second that the Democrats thought the Republicans were willing to destroy their beloved evil state. That would be like me, a known pothead, trying to force someone to do something by threatening to throw my edibles outside the window.
News that made me feel like it’s okay to bully politicians
Transgender people in so-called Florida are losing access to gender-affirming care as a result of theanti-LGBTQI+ law signed by Ron Desantis. In order to prove that he is the most hateful person running for president, Ron signed a law that restricts gender-affirming care to be performed in person by a doctor. This has caused some clinics staffed by nurse practitioners to stop providing gender-affirming care.
Sidenote, isn’t it interesting that Ron Desantis shares a name with one of the main characters from Harry Potter, given that Harry Potter was written by a transphobe? I wonder if JK Rowling is happy that the namesake of one of her characters is doing the type of evil she loves?
I doubt being the most hateful – and hopefully hated – person running for president will force Ron to leave his home – unlike the transgender people who will now have to face the difficult choice of leaving Florida in order to continue receiving healthcare. No, politicians like Ron can carry out human rights violations and the worst thing that happens to them is people tweet mean things about them.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t spend all of your afternoon cyberbullying Ron on Twitter; in fact, I encourage it. I’m just saying that maybe the fact that Ron knows the worst thing that can happen to him for being a fascist is being bullied on Twitter is one of the reasons why Ron Desantis feels so comfortable being fascist.
News that made me tell you about my adventures on the internet
Speaking of fascism, I visited the New York Post website to do research for my comedy show – and I never thought I’d say this, but I’m happy I did. For those of you who don’t know, the New York Post is a fascist troll masquerading as a news site. Hence, I went in with my guard up so as to prevent myself from screaming into the abyss.
To my delight, it wasn’t click bait! The article details a case about a police officer whose lawyer claimed that he should not have been required to receive the COVID-19 vaccine because the vaccine was “made from aborted foetuses” and therefore against his Christian values. I wish I had time to get into this tidbit, but I only have time for the judge. The judge’s response to this claim was: “Does being a police officer conflict with Christian values as well? That, you know, do not kill thing?”
I laughed so hard, I almost came out of depression.
Never in my life did I ever think I would hear a judge question whether being a police officer isn’t a violation of a Christian police officer’s religion, because cops are murderers! I really wish there was some way I could convince the New York Post to change the headline of this article to “Judge accidentally tells the truth.”
News that made me remind you that you can’t stop Nazis by drinking beer with them
Protests broke out inLeipzig, Germany last week after an anti-fascist activist was sentenced to over five years in prison for fighting Nazis. My apologies, they are calling themselves neo-Nazis these days. I’m not sure what the neo is supposed to represent, and I refuse to do the research to find out because a Nazi is a Nazi – it doesn’t matter what modifier you use.
Also, is there a committee out there of fascists who are trying to come up with new words for terrible things? If there is, I’m pretty sure they are the ones responsible for trying to rebrand imperialism into globalisation.
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Nonetheless, this is not the time to air out my very many conspiracies. Let’s get back to the news.
Lina E, who was considered the leader of a leftist group, was sentenced to prison for various crimes including beating up the owner of a Nazi pub. Given that Nazis are not exactly known for wanting to bring about fascism through peaceful means, I would argue that Lina didn’t do anything wrong. The Beer Hall Putsch wasn’t thwarted by speaking nicely to Nazis while drinking beer at a Nazi pub.
However, I’m also not a state trying to maintain its monopoly over violence and using this monopoly to let Nazis roam freely like they are hipsters in Brooklyn. Nazism is supposedly illegal in Germany, but there is literally a party for Nazis called Alternative for Germany. Whatever alternative this political party wants to bring is not good – as implied by their criticism of the state releasing Lina as her case awaits appeal.
So what is one to do when there is a political party representing Nazis while the state is claiming Nazism is illegal? The protestors throwing stones at police vehicles to protest Lina’s arrest seem to know the right answer – and we should listen.
News that made me say there are state funded gangs in Atlanta
The Atlanta Police Department and Georgia Bureau of Investigations arrested 3 people for providing legal and bail support to activists protesting against cop city in Atlanta. I shared my thoughts on TikTok.