A week of Indonesia revolting, Venus Williams playing tennis for healthcare, and the timely demise of a fascist

Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live in Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news. 

My newsletter has evolved into this beautiful news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.

Today I’m sharing my feelings about a week of Indonesia revolting, Venus Williams playing tennis for healthcare, and the timely demise of a fascist.

Onto the news… 

News that made me feel like you should want to see JD Vance’s human skin suits

I’ve been watching videos of the people of Indonesia revolting non-stop, because nothing cures my insomnia like civilians burning down a government building or fighting the police. My favourite video so far has been of an older person being encouraged/aided by younger people to throw a rock at the police.

 

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I imagine the youth are informing this older individual of rock throwing strategies they’ve acquired through revolting for the past couple of days, much like my Physics high school teacher unsuccessfully tried to explain Newton’s first law to me. What do you mean an object at rest remains at rest? Then explain my racing thoughts about racial capitalism when my head is clearly resting on the pillow?

The reason why I love this video so much is because it illustrates Malcom X’s philosophy “by any means necessary” that has been perfectly executed by the people of Indonesia. This person used whatever means they could acquire to fight the police, in this case it was a very cute dress and a rock. My only hope is that I’m half as cool as this person when I get older. I’ve been collecting a lot of rocks, so I’m ready.

The people of Indonesia collectively gathered and used the means at their disposal to fight an oppressive government. The beauty of this video and the uprising is that they show the level of community support required for revolution. In this video you see the younger protestors caring for the older protestor as they throw a rock at the cops. Similarly, the people of Indonesia accelerated their uprising when one of their community members was murdered by the state.

The protests were triggered by the state giving large allowances to politicians while the people suffered. They rightfully escalated to burning down government buildings and looting politicians’ homes when videos of the state execution of a delivery person surfaced. The people of Indonesia took the “fuck around and find out” to its rightful conclusion. When the state fucks around with your comrade, you have to let them know there will be consequences. 

We the people are the only ones who can hold the state accountable until we dismantle it. I’m not talking about elections! The people of Indonesia know this, which is why instead of waiting for an election to discipline their politicians, they looted their homes. I’m looking at you, fellow Americans. Don’t you want to find out where JD Vance stores all his human skin suits?

As a result of these protests, the President walked back the allowance increase and proclaimed an investigation into the murder of the delivery driver. Many of the protestors are saying this is not enough – and I agree, like I do with every woman I meet in the bathroom who tells me I’m pretty. It’s not enough for a corrupt autocratic state to walk back some of their extravagances, it’s only enough when the autocratic state no longer exists and the people have power over their own lives.

If the FBI is reading this, remember I’m a comedian hehehehe hahahahahaha.

News that made me feel like politicians are rich people’s HR

When I heard that Venus Williams had to go back to playing tennis to get health insurance, my insides shrivelled like the bag of spinach I got for healthy smoothies then quickly forgot about. If Venus Williams, a millionaire, needs employment for healthcare, what hope is there for all of us? 

The short answer is none. The longer answer is none – as long as we continue letting a system that treats our bodies as commodities to continue to exist. We can stop it – but it’s up to us to stop it! No politician is going to save us from the claws of corporate health insurance because politicians are rich people’s HR. Let me explain.

You know how we are always told HR is not our friend because they are there to protect the companies? Politicians play the same role. Every single one of them! The role of politicians is to convince us, the populace, that there is someone there to listen to our pain and our complaints so we don’t burn things down to the ground.

HR at your company does satisfaction surveys and when the survey results show people are deeply unhappy because of long hours and low pay, HR says: we’ve listened to you, we’ve heard you, here’s a pizza party! We even have vegan and gluten-free options. They do this because the reality is your company doesn’t want to spend more money to keep employees happy, it just wants to know how employees are feeling so it can control dissatisfaction. Which is why you should never fill out an employee satisfaction survey ever. Spend that energy to start a union interest survey, or start an office rebellion.

Politicians on the other hand will say: we know you don’t have healthcare and that’s why we are attacking trans people and immigrants. Doesn’t that make you feel better knowing other people who you don’t like are suffering more than you? The white supremacists say yes and continue to hope their whiteness will cure their eczema.

Politicians don’t want to give us all healthcare because they work for insurance companies (the state) and they want us to remain docile workers. People are more likely to keep horrible jobs and get horrible jobs if the alternative is WebMD as their primary care physician. Which is why Venus came back to tennis. I’m not saying playing tennis is a horrible job. I once did it for the cute outfits and a tennis bag. My point is, no one should have to turn their body into a commodity so they can receive healthcare.

If politicians actually worked for the people, the so-called United States of America would have healthcare for all because “62% of Americans believe the government should ensure everyone’s healthcare coverage.” The other 36% who didn’t say yes to universal health care are TikTok trolls! (The remaining 2% no one knows about.) 

Only people who spend all their time trolling people on social media are okay with people lacking healthcare. Those people are also most likely racist! Yes, racists would rather get gangrene than have Black people get access to healthcare.

11 events that deserve to have the flag flown half-staff more than Charlie Kirk’s timely demise

1. A lady dropping her smoothie in my Amtrak train car.
2. Me sleeping through my alarm and missing the breakfast buffet.
3. Anytime Taylor Swift dances.
4. The one time I microwaved my vegan veggie balls for too long causing them to harden and thus missing out on a fantastic lunch.
5. The time I forgot to preorder a vegan meal for an 8-hour flight and the flight attendant gleefully telling me that vegans deserve to starve.
6. That one time in college I thought I was eating vegetarian sushi but turns out it was real crab and not imitation crab. I made a scene and everyone who didn’t already hate me started to hate me.
7. The time I wore a super cute outfit and no one complimented me at work because they are hateful people! If no one compliments your cute outfit at work, start seeking other employment opportunities immediately, this is not a safe space.
8. That time six ants were trying to lift a breadcrumb at the beach but it was too heavy for them so they gave up.
9. All the times I ran after the bus only to see the bus driver closing the door and driving away when I thought I’d made it. Someone who dated a bus driver told me they do this intentionally because they love to see us suffer.
10. The day I was really excited to go eat waffles from this waffle place I saw the day before but when I got there the waffle place was closed
11. Every single time I get a rejection email from a job I don’t want.

I took a break from the news to talk why you shouldn’t police other protestors 

@feelthenewswithmarcelaI have so many feelings. Subscribe to my newsletter for more of my feelings♬ original sound – Feel the News

See ya later,

Marcela