A week of national guards being deployed to the NYC subway, EU funding political repression in Senegal and a woman in Alabama being arrested for being Black

Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live in Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news. 

My newsletter has evolved into this beautiful news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.

I’m sharing my feelings about the governor of New York deploying the national guard to the NYC subway, EU funding political repression in Senegal, and a Black woman in Alabama being arrested for being Black. 

Onto the news… 

News that made me say let them eat guns

Kathy Hochul, the governor of the so-called New York state – or as I like to call her, appointed dictator of Lenape – has deployed 750 national guards to the New York City subway. This is really exciting because it will finally give New Yorkers an opportunity to experience first hand what it’s like to live under a US military occupation. I feel so much safer seeing American soldiers with machine guns – said no one who actually knows the purpose of the United States military. 

In addition to the national guard, Eric Adams, the villain from New Jersey, will deploy an additional 1000 NYPD officers to the subway. The purpose of the increase in surveillance from the NYPD and literal military is to make the subway more safe. I would argue that getting rid of the NYPD would make the subway more safe for everyone. Not just because I don’t pay for the train, but also because the NYPD assaults passengers for fare evasion while letting mass shooters move about freely.

What’s also interesting is that Kathy Hochul hopes to pass a bill that would ban people who’ve assaulted passengers from riding the train for three years. Which begs the question, how is the NYPD going to be able to surveil the train if they are banned from riding the train?

I don’t think Eric Adams and Kathy Hochul believe that “let them eat guns” is the solution to what they claim is the current state of the subway. I’m not saying this because I think Eric and Kathy are brilliant people; I’m saying this because Eric and Kathy are evil people. 

I think everyone who is a leader in this evil empire is evil. I don’t care if their name is AOC and they are trying to convince you they are a hip cool capitalist stooge while refusing to call a genocide a genocide.

Eric Adams and Kathy Hochul are being evil in this particular situation because they are solving a problem the public thinks is a problem by actually not solving it.  

If government officials actually wanted to make the city safe for everyone, they would invest in housing, mental healthcare, and everything else that would give everyone a good life. Just like if I wanted to find the clothes I want to wear, I would invest in folding them. Instead of furiously digging through the laundry basket for my favourite shirt five minutes before I want to leave the apartment while screaming why can’t I ever find anything?!

However, Eric and Kathy aren’t interested in making the subway safe. What they are interested in doing is increasing state surveillance to criminalise vulnerable populations. This way they don’t have to admit that the reason why everyone is not safe is because the capitalists need struggling, scared masses to work for them. No one would go to their terrible jobs if housing, health care, and a safe life was guaranteed. No amount of pizza parties in a cold conference room would be enough to lure the masses to work.

News that made me guess what rich people eat for breakfast

An investigation by Al Jazeera revealed that the EU helped the Senegalese government repress pro-democracy protests. Of course they did. One thing we know is colonisers are going to colonise. That’s why they are called colonisers. 

To be specific, an “EU trained Senegalese Police unit” using EU funded military equipment attacked protestors. Why would the EU be funding a Senegalese Police unit, one might ask? It’s the same reason why I spent a lot of my income on marijuana. Getting high brought me joy. Controlling other people’s homes brings Europe joy because Europe wouldn’t have anything without stealing other people’s things. 

Okay, that was a sort of petty answer to a very serious question. I’m just so angry all the time and it’s hard staying sane in a world where people are so dehumanised by the ruling class. To them we are just a bunch of pawns they use to fund their ridiculous lifestyles. Seriously, we are all suffering so some rich dude can snort gold for breakfast. I don’t know what wealthy people do, but I think snorting gold would be one of them. 

Nonetheless, let’s get back to the topic at hand. 

The purpose of the EU funded specialised police in Senegal was supposedly to secure the Mali-Senegalese border from “incursions by armed groups and cross-border crimes, including migrant smuggling.” The migrant smuggling is especially important to call out because the funding for this police force is part of a larger project from the EU that seeks to solve the root causes of migration. The EU is giving money to countries in Africa to stop the flow of migration to Europe. Which is just hilarious because Europe is the reason why people are leaving their homes in Africa! 

This is the equivalent of someone stealing your coat, then giving you threads from your coat to keep you warm because you keep trying to go to their closet to get a coat. The main solution to ending the migration of Africa to Europe is simply for Europe to stop stealing resources from Africa. However, that’s not an option for Europe because it’s addicted to stolen goods much like Taylor Swift is addicted to CO2 emissions. 

If the Senegalese leave Senegal, who will harvest the raw materials that Europe depends on to keep its oppressed masses focused on rampant consumerism? How will Europe continue to claim its supremacy over everyone else when it can no longer access wealth from its colonies? How will the elites be able to snort gold for breakfast? 

Ironically, the domestic unrest caused by the autocratic Senegalese government, partially funded by the EU, is driving more Senegalese people to leave their country. Meaning the EU’s funding to stop migration from Senegal to Europe is causing people to leave Senegal for Europe. Sometimes I feel like we live in a simulation written by a very dark comedian. Then I have to remind myself that there is no mind dark enough to make up this coloniser-run dystopia.

News that made me say calling the cops while being Black is a crime

Twyla Stallworth, a Black woman in so-called Alabama, who called the police on her white neighbours for playing loud music, was arrested by a white cop for not showing him her ID. John Barton, whose middle name is KKK, arrested Twyla for daring to think the police were there to serve her. He wanted to remind her the police are there to oppress Black people. Not showing your ID to the police is not a crime, but calling the cops if you are Black is a crime. Especially if you are a Black person calling the cops on white people. 

I watched the video of Barton arresting Twyla and he might as well have been wearing a white hood because that interaction was more racist than Donald Trump’s toupee. When Twyla challenges KKK Barton’s request for her ID, he says: “Ma’am, I’m not arguing with you. Provide ID or go to jail.” To an untrained eye that doesn’t look like racism, but as a Black person who has worked in the hellscape of whiteness known as corporate America, I know this flavour of racism when I see it. Yes, racism has different flavours just like fruit gushers, but unlike gushers, none of the flavours of racism are tasty. 

When Barton says I will not argue with you what he is really saying is How dare you question my authority, you Black woman. Don’t you know you are beneath me? I’m not just a cop, I’m a white man which means you should obey all my orders without question. I know I’m giving Barton way too much credit with that complex internal dialogue. Barton’s internal dialogue was probably more like, Me cop, you Black, you bow down or I arrest.  

Twyla didn’t just commit the crime of believing the cops were there to serve her; she also committed the crime of not completely complying with her dehumanisation. I have experienced the anger of white people when I refused to know my place in their eyes and that’s exactly what was on display when Barton arrested Twyla. When oppressed people don’t comply with being oppressed, they are treated like villains who deserve punishment because it turns out racists are not great people. Who would have thought that? 

Not to tarnish the brand of racists being evil, the Andalusia Police Department and the mayor of Andalusia determined that nothing racist happened in the video of Twyla’s kidnapping. That’s another thing that oppressors do. They pretend like oppression isn’t happening because that means they are bad people for doing it and even worse people for doing nothing about it. Of course the city of Andalusia didn’t do anything about Barton’s racist behaviour. The mayor said Barton was disciplined but didn’t say how he was disciplined. Which means they probably sent him to Six Flags with an allowance for snacks and souvenirs.

I don’t want to hang out with criminals.

I took a break from the news to inform you I don’t want to hang out with war criminals.

@feelthenewswithmarcela Not really interested in hanging out with serial killers even if they wear suits! #allpresidentsarebad #feelthenews #bidenharris #billclinton #politicaljokes #leftisttiktok #leftistsoftiktok ♬ original sound – Feel the News

See ya later,

Marcela