A week of continued war against the people of Sudan, the US stating Israel hasn’t violated humanitarian law and a US congressman seeking to defund medical schools with DEI programs

Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live in Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news. 

My newsletter has evolved into this beautiful news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.

I’m sharing my feelings about the so-called US stating so-called Israel hasn’t violated humanitarian law, a US congressman seeking to defund medical schools with DEI programs,  and the war against the people of Sudan. 

Onto the news… 

News that made me say Beyoncé isn’t here for Black liberation

John Kirby, a White House spokesman, boldly stated to the press that the state department has not found incidents where so-called Israel has violated international humanitarian law in Gaza. This is what I expect from a man who wears a suit to commit war crimes. Let’s be honest, the suit is the uniform of evil.

No one ever sees a person wearing a suit and thinks that person is going to do some mutual aid today. When you see someone wearing a suit you assume they are either going to approve an oil pipeline, help Joe Biden write another crime bill, or crash the economy.  

John Kirby’s gall to lie to the press when he knows we all have social media was so absurd that the journalist repeated the question like he was asking a child who had crumbs all over their face whether they ate the cookies and the child said nah ah. 

John didn’t take this opportunity to repent the US’ crimes because that would mean he would have to quit his job and give up all his expensive suits. John decided a long time ago that expensive suits were much more important than having a soul. John doubled down on the lie and said “the state department has a process in place to determine whether international humanitarian law has been violated and they have found none”. 

At this point the press should have started singing liar liar pants on fire but they didn’t because something about wearing a suit makes people feel like they should be “professional”. I told you it was the uniform of evil. Also, I don’t think there is anything more professional than singing liar liar pants on fire to a man whose every single cell permeates deceit. 

Nonetheless, my point is why try to have a civil conversation with people who have proven repeatedly they are more allergic to the truth than Beyoncé is to Black liberation. That’s saying a lot given Beyoncé crossed a picket line to go to a party. 

Politicians lie to us because they think we’ve been sufficiently brainwashed to believe in their legitimacy. That’s why Hillary Clinton will go on late night TV and tell people who are upset about genocide to get over themselves. Hillary, just because you got over your war crimes doesn’t mean we need to get over Genocide Joe’s crimes. Hillary Clinton literally said Joe Biden cares about people, to which Jimmy Fallon did not laugh because he doesn’t know a good joke when he hears one. 

Politicians are illegitimate and we have to start treating them as such. People are already disrupting them which is great. Hillary Clinton should never ever be able to complete a sentence in public without people calling her genocider. However, we should go further. We should continue making decisions within our community that will eventually discard the politicians and the state.

News that made me say drink pickle juice

A republican congressman, Greg Murphy, introduced a bill to congress that would defund medical schools with Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion programs because the purpose of congress is to maintain a racial hierarchy and give incompetent white men jobs.

Greg Murphy, the representative from so-called North Carolina, wants to banish any thoughts that North Carolina is sorry about being part of the confederacy. “The bill would require schools to stop teaching topics such as intersectionality, colonisation, and white supremacy, dissolve scholarships, classes, and programming designed for students based on their racial background, and eliminate DEI offices”.

No one would read this bill and not think it was written by a racist and that’s the point. Murphy, like everyone else who has been challenging DEI programs, wants to maintain a racial hierarchy in the United States and they fear DEI will destroy the core American value of racism. 

Let’s face it, the so-called United States of America was built by rich white men for rich white men. Then the rich white men included all white people because they needed them to be their foot soldiers. America is essentially white people’s FUBU (for us by us) except a lot less stylish. 

White supremacists like Greg Murphy know this country was built for white people and that’s why when they feel like there is a chance that anyone else, especially Black people, are going to have a chance of being treated equally, they throw a tantrum like a baby in a grocery store who has been denied a piece of candy. 

This bill is sponsored by a non-profit called Do Not Harm whose goal is to “protect healthcare from the disastrous consequences of identity politics”. Of course the non-profit that wants to maintain harm calls itself Do Not Harm. It’s the same reason why the United States of America calls colonialism spreading freedom. White supremacy depends on gaslighting. Murphy knows he can’t just say I love racism and want to maintain negative healthcare outcomes for Black people publicly. I’m sure he says it during Christmas dinners. He is the racist uncle that white people in Brooklyn are always complaining about. 

The entirety of the opposition to DEI is itself gaslighting. White supremacists are fighting DEI as if it’s a program that will eradicate racism. In reality DEI seeks to include marginalised people into a racist system so the liberals can say see we are doing something about racism. While DEI may improve the livelihood of some marginalised people, it doesn’t explicitly call for the destruction of a white supremacist state that continues to depend on the oppression of Black and Indigenous people. Think of it as a more sophisticated version of democrats taking a knee wearing kente cloth during the George Floyd uprising. 

The fact that white supremacists in government will not even tolerate DEI should enlighten everyone that the only way to achieve freedom is to destroy a system that maintains oppression – not to seek representation within it. Just like the only way to end hangovers is to drink pickle juice. It sounds like a wild thing to do but I promise it works.

News that made me say monsters are clutching their pearls

It’s been a year since the devastating civil war in Sudan began. At least 8 million people have been displaced and millions are on the brink of starvation. 

I never understood why they called it a civil war because there’s absolutely nothing civil about a war unless it’s a thumb war. After a simple search I found out that civil in this case does not mean roommates having tea while reading each other to filth about someone leaving the dishes in the sink again. Civil in this case means citizen, so a civil war is a war among citizens.

Even based on the old definition of civil, the war in Sudan is not a war among citizens, it’s a war between two monsters who want to control territory and the people who live on it. 

That’s pretty much a description of the world we live in. Monsters trying to control territory that people live on so they can have fancy shoes or whatever it is monsters wear to stomp on the rest of us. I’m referring to world leaders as monsters from now onwards because I refuse to accept anyone who thrives off the pain of other humans as humans. I know this is an insult to the monsters of Monsters, Inc. but I’ll let them deal with that. 

The monsters currently wreaking havoc in Sudan are Hamdan Dagalo, lead monster of the Rapid Support Forces (RSF), and Abdel Fattah al-Burhan, lead monster of the Sudanese armed forces. It’s really impressive having the nerve to call your militia of monsters Rapid Support Forces when you are actively committing genocide. There is nothing supportive about burning people’s homes down, but then again if you are a monster you might think differently. 

As usual the world monsters are pretending to be appalled by the starvation, displacement, and murder in Sudan, pledging 2 billion dollars in aid to end the starvation. The UN which is where the monsters show up to pretend to care has said the warring parties should stop targeting civilians. As if this whole war is not about targeting civilians who rose up against the state, demanded an actual democracy, and now are being thwarted by monsters funded by other monsters. The same monsters funding and legitimising the destruction clutch their pearls on the sidelines saying whatever shall we do! 

The RSF, for example, has been able to buy weapons funded by gold sold to the UAE. The UAE, if you didn’t know, is BFFs (F is for now) with Israel and the United States of America! 

The United Kingdom was also secretly holding talks with the RSF. I know talking to someone who is committing genocide when you are perpetrating genocide is just another Tuesday for monsters of the UK but COME ON!! 

Why are you buying gold from a genocidal monster and who is selling weapons to this monster? Why are you talking to someone committing genocide? Why feed the people whose starvation you are funding and legitimising? We are monsters, what do you expect from us? the monsters reply. No wonder Ridhi Patel lost it on them #freeridhi. 

I took a break from the news to share the similarity between the NYPD and my fibroids 

@feelthenewswithmarcela Subscribe to my newsletter for more news from me #feelthenews #dei #northcarolina #leftisttiktok #leftistsoftiktok #blackanarchist #anarchism ♬ original sound – Feel the News

See ya later,

Marcela