A week of a judge blaming Breonna Taylor’s murder on her boyfriend, violence at a parade in Brooklyn and ongoing starvation in Sudan

Hi, I’m Marcela: I’m a comedian, I live in Brooklyn, and I really like to tell people how to feel about the news. After wowing zoomers all over on TikTok by giving them news with a sense of humour and anarchy, I decided to start a weekly Sunday newsletter to share my feelings about more news. 

My newsletter has evolved into this beautiful news column for shado which also covers international news. I hope the newsletter keeps you informed and makes you laugh a little. We live in hell and I believe humour helps keep this place a little bit cooler.

Today I’m sharing my feelings about a judge blaming Breonna Taylor’s murder on her boyfriend, five people being shot in a Brooklyn parade despite heavy police presence and the ongoing starvation in Sudan. 

Onto the news… 

News that made say the United States of America is the land of the unfree

A judge dropped felony charges against the two cops who murdered Breonna Taylor and ruled that it was Breonna Taylor’s boyfriend Kenneth Walker’s fault that she was murdered. How was it Kenneth’s fault that two state sanctioned murderers killed his girlfriend? It’s Kenneth’s fault because Kenneth had the silly notion that he has the right to self-defence. 

When seven plain clothes officers broke into his girlfriend’s home, Kenneth should have offered them a nice cup of tea instead of reacting how any normal human would when they feel threatened. Kenneth chose to fire a gun instead of brewing some hot water to protect himself and his partner and so it’s his fault that she’s dead. 

Next time a bunch of criminals break into your home, be sure to offer them tea instead of moving a muscle because it will be your fault when they kill you. Chamomile tea is preferable because it makes people more calm and sleepy. Also make sure the water is already ready because approaching boiling water when intruders are in your home may lead them to get scared and kill you.

So really as a Black person be sure to have hot tea ready in a flask at all times to make sure you are safe from the police. Just be careful while grabbing the flask so the cops don’t think it’s a gun and kill you. 

Actually maybe just try not being a Black person and the cops might not kill you. I know that one’s hard because I personally love being Black and won’t give it up for anything, but do you really want the judge to have an excuse to blame you for your death when the cops kill you? 

I know that Breonna Taylor would never find justice from the same system that murdered her. To be clear, I don’t think imprisoning the cops who murdered Breonna would be justice. Abolishing the police and the evil empire is the only way Breonna could ever get justice.  

Blaming Breonna’s boyfriend for her death is a clear indication from the judge that Black people don’t have the right to self-defecse in this country. Additionally, it reinforces the notion that we don’t have a right to defend ourselves against the state. Shocker! A state built on slavery and genocide doesn’t want citizens to defend themselves against it. Who would have ever thought that a government that thinks genocide is legal and objecting against genocide is reprehensible would say fighting against it is illegal?

I mean I’ve never heard of a genocidal state that is open to dissent, but I thought the United States of America was exceptional. I thought the United States of America was the land of the free and the home of the brave. I would say there is nothing more brave than allowing your “free” citizens to fight against an autocratic state. 

Of course allowing citizens to actually fight against autocracy when you are the autocrat means the autocracy will come to an end. So maybe this is the land of the unfree and the home of the “make sure you make the police comfortable so they don’t kill you even if you don’t know they are the police”. 

News that made me say we need more trees and no cops

5 people were shot near the West Indian Day Parade in Brooklyn despite the fact that there were more cops than floats. I wish the police would have been the floats so we could throw things at them. The answer to five people being shot will of course not be the cops don’t keep us safe and we really should carry out proven ideas of safety. We don’t live in a rational world so the answer will be more cops!

We live in a world where the answer is always “more cops”. The cops failed so we need more cops. The cops don’t know what they are doing so we need more cops. The libraries don’t have enough books, we need more cops! 

Cops don’t keep us safe. Safety comes from actually feeling safe. If you live in a neighbourhood with plenty of resources, trees, and not one that is a source of extraction and oppression, you are safe. I went to such neighbourhoods in Montana and Rhode Island. I didn’t see a cop the whole time and no one was running around screaming that they felt unsafe. You know what was also in these neighbourhoods? Libraries, trees, clean streets, grocery stores! I keep saying trees because the lack of trees in my neighbourhood is literally environmental warfare and people don’t talk about it enough. The New York State Department of Environmental Conservation itself states that being around trees improves people’s moods and encourages us to spend more time around trees. 

How am I going to spend time around trees if there are no trees in my neighbourhood? Sure, I could go order one for my block. What about the other blocks in the neighbourhood? Did the white people who live in Park Slope have to order their trees too or is ordering trees just something that Black people have to do? 

How about this? Instead of having more cops for the next West Indian Day Parade we have more trees, more third spaces, cleaner sidewalks, housing for all, food for all. Then let’s see what happens.

News that made me say stop going to nightclubs and start doing mutual aid

More than half of Sudan’s population is food insecure because of the ongoing war against the people of Sudan. I wrote about the starvation in Sudan in February and I’m writing about it again because it’s still happening. I feel like that’s a lot of my writing. Talking about the same thing over and over again. It does feel like a dystopian merry-go-round where you are going around a circle of hell and everything stays the same. 

I really want to get off this merry-go-round because I don’t like being suspended in the air while Satan and his demons determine my and the rest of humanity’s fate. Satan obviously being the capitalists and the demons are the world leaders who are doing the work of the capitalists by torturing us, the inhabitants of hell. I so deeply believe we live in hell that one day a woman walked in the train and yelled out, Repent or go to hell! and I almost yelled back, Too late, we are already there! 

Living in this dystopian nightmare means that while the people who live in Sudan are starving, the natural resources of their country are being exported. Sudanese gold exports “exceeded $428 million dollars in the first quarter of 2024”. How is gold making it out of the country when food cannot make it to the people? If there needs to be an international discussion about how food is going to make it to the displaced civilians, why isn’t there an international discussion about how Sudanese gold will make it to the United Arab Emirates? Are there different roads for gold and different roads for food?

It doesn’t make sense unless you understand the rules of hell are the same as the rules of a nightclub. Everyone suffers so a few people can make money. Sorry if I’m the first person to tell you this, yelling over music while trying not to slip on some unknown substance while wearing heels is not fun, it’s suffering. That’s why you were crying in the bathroom. It’s suffering so someone can buy bloody gold from Sudan. So next time, skip the nightclub and do mutual aid. You’ll have more fun and your money won’t go towards supporting capitalists that want a glitzy lifestyle fueled by slave labor and starvation. 

What’s additionally upsetting about the starvation in Sudan is that the people talking about ending the problem are the people causing the problem. The United Arab Emirates is involved in peace talks to end the fighting between the RSF (Rapid Support Forces) and the Sudanese Army. Meanwhile the Sudanese gold is exported to the United Arab Emirates which is funding the RSF.

It angers me so deeply that these scammers who call themselves world leaders don’t even try to do a better job to fool us that they care. Probably because those of us who are suffering the least from the imperialist dystopian nightmare have been convinced that we live in a utopia. Why would you try to do a good job of tricking people if the people being tricked will wait in line to be tortured? Yes, I’m still talking about nightclubs.

The people of Sudan need global solidarity. We at the centre of the core need to understand that kissing up to your boss so you can get a raise so you can buy items from an “artisanal mine” is not freedom. Everything that you’ve been tricked into thinking is fun is actually deeply exploitative. Yes, that includes Dave & Busters. So stop shopping and start rebelling.

News that made me say I love DEI 

@feelthenewswithmarcela Thoughts on Kamala running for president #kamalaharris #dei #elections #standupcomedy #politicaltiktok #elections #feelthenews #blackanarchist ♬ original sound – Feel the News

See ya later,

Marcela