loathing and fear

reflections

Ever since having an abortion, I’ve felt this looming feeling of doom by Tara Michaela

This week, I read the response from shado’s resident sexpert Tara Michaela to a question about the complex sense of guilt and loneliness that having an abortion can cause. I found Tara’s insights into why this sense of shame persists – even in people who are passionately pro-choice – useful and illustrative of a larger issue.

It’s a reminder of the war against women’s rights and freedom of choice being waged by the international right, especially emanating from our old friend, the U.S. of A.

trump hates women

Trump has a mixed history regarding abortion, having previously described himself as “pro-choice” back in 1999. Since then, his stance has only gotten more conservative and vocally hostile to abortion. His first days of office have seen several seismic rollbacks on abortion protections, which has reproductive rights activists worried about what will come next.

Though it should be noted that, confusingly, the Trump administration recently asked a federal court to dismiss a lawsuit targeting the most commonly used abortion pill in the US, Mifepristone. This blip aside, the culture of anti-abortion sentiment in the states has been gaining more visibility, especially since the repeal of the Roe vs. Wade amendment in 2022, which guaranteed women the constitutional right to abortion.

A friend of mine who recently attended a wedding near Nashville, Tennessee – a red state which outlawed abortion just thirty days after Roe vs. Wade was overturned – noted the eerie atmosphere on the topic there, for instance spotting anti-abortion billboards on the highway.

This is not an uncommon sight in conservative states, but the growing danger is that Trump’s stance and strong actions against abortion will escalate the hostile and unsafe conditions that people seeking abortions are increasingly facing.

hence, the shame

This is where I think Tara’s thoughts on abortion come in. She says that abortion carries its own unique stigma, and talking about it is very difficult. The noise of anti-abortion politicians is hard to drown out, but even if you do, there can be conflicting feelings about the decision taken, and a tendency to not talk about it for fear of oversharing or causing discomfort.

It becomes a tragic cycle, where people don’t talk about their own abortion because they never hear others do so. The result is isolation. Residual feelings of guilt render abortion a kind of ‘unspoken’ procedure. Statistically, it is likely we know someone who has had an abortion. In the U.S. for instance, it is estimated that one in four (24.7%) women of reproductive age will have an abortion by age 45. But have you ever talked to someone close about their experiences or your own?

I think the pressure on reproductive rights coming from the right, in the U.S. and elsewhere, is a powerful force. Even when we passionately disagree with their stance, their morally charged attacks leave a mark, perhaps even an unconscious one. It comes in the form of a profound critique of our intimate lives and bodily autonomy, implying we are the hateful or uncaring ones for not wanting to carry a potential child to term. It feels deeply personal and cutting.

This pressure detracts from the material experience of an abortion. The concept of an abortion, with many voices chiming in on a personal decision, becomes divorced from the reality of having one.

And then actually having one can feel surreal and lonely, which it shouldn’t be.

community over fear

People talking about their abortion experiences is crucial, though obviously not easy. The more it is discussed, including the fact that feelings of guilt after doing something you agree with is completely normal, the less the stigma persists.

The cultural and political right are winning in so many ways, including on this issue, but the tide hasn’t completely turned. Data from last year showed that an estimated 63% of adults in the U.S. say abortion should be legal in most or all cases. Treating feelings around abortion, including on the pro-choice side, with nuance, care and respect, and being willing to discuss your own experiences if you are able to, will lessen the barriers for others in sharing what they’ve been through.

There are lots of post-abortion support groups online which can help us break the stigma that has been perpetuated by decades of anti-abortion propaganda and scaremongering. Community is key: the other side has one, let’s improve and build up our own.

As Tara writes, “The good news is that when I found myself in situations where it made sense to bring up my abortion, I started to learn just how many people in my life had had one as well. The floodgates opened, and I went from knowing no one who had gone through what I had, to having community.”

~ Tommy

smirk of the week 😏

offbeat optics

Former Disney worker sentenced to 3 years for hacking into park menus, changing allergen information

A former Disney employee, Michael Scheuer, has been sentenced to three years in prison for hacking into a menu system used by the theme park’s restaurants to falsely state that foods were safe from certain “allergies, when they were not,” said Florida federal prosecutors.

Apparently he did this hack after being terminated by Disney in June 2024.

Look, I’m all for taking Disney down. The fact that he was able to get into the Disney mainframe is cool, but messing with the allergy information? That’s only going to harm, and potentially kill, customers. Surely there were better targets for this probably quite sophisticated act??

As one Redditor suggested, “He should have gone full Robin Hood and lowered the price of bottled water from $5 to $1. He’d stick it to Disneyland and be a hero.”

Instead, he chose chaos and has now been busted. Luckily, the alterations to allergy information were detected before reaching customers. Phew. No problems ordering the gluten-free Mickey burger (:/) then.

Federal prosecutors further noted that, “Scheuer also altered menu information related to wine regions to reflect locations of recent mass shootings.” That’s some pretty dark humour dude, he clearly missed his calling as an edgy 2010s-era comedy writer. Me and him both?

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