By Faye Odesser
Last year I got out of a long, committed, straight relationship, and it took a long time for me to get over it. In 2024 I want to start going to sex parties and exploring my kinks for the first time. I was so excited, and a bit nervous, but then I told my friends and they were not supportive. They were amazing when I was going through heartbreak, but now they’re suggesting that they find it laughable and “not me”.
It’s like they preferred me to be the wounded puppy and now I want sexual agency/exploration they are not interested/try to tell me i’m being crazy. How do I show them that their response is hurtful, and even if kink-curiosity is not their bag, they should support my decision to explore it?
Damn. It’s awful when it’s the people in your life you actually care about who are shutting you down. If you just had to deal with strangers running their mouths, you could probably just ignore their concerns and go about your happy, sex-posi life – but the fact that the discouragement is coming from the people who are supposed to have your back has got to be frustrating.
You’re in a hard spot. Hopefully I can provide some of the support that your friends are very much failing to provide. Thanks for writing in and trusting me! I think it’s fair to assume that some people’s knee-jerk reaction to this situation would be something along the lines of ‘FUCK your friends if they’re not supportive! Dump ‘em all! Move on!!!’ – But, I’m not gonna go down that road here.
Divorcing a friend group is no easy task, and besides, it’s not what you asked for help with. It doesn’t seem that you want to sever the ties here – you’re trying to salvage this. So, I think it makes sense to start by trying to consider where they’re coming from. For more help in this arena, I contacted two sexuality professionals I deeply trust: Dirty Lola, a performer and pleasure educator with her hands in a variety of massively impactful sex ed programming, and Carly Pifer, creator of AURORE, a space for confessional erotica. ...
By Faye Odesser